Sexuality And Sex Therapy
Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

THE DANCE OF SEX

Love making is similar to ballroom dancing. Each person may or may not be a good dancer. One person may be a great dancer and the other may not be terrific. However, it is how they dance together that matters. Some people can dance well alone, but not with a partner. To be beautiful and satisfying, ballroom dancing demands cooperation, communication, and consideration. One partner must not go on his or her own without communicating to the partner; and the partners must cooperate. No couple expects to dance well together, no matter how well either one may dance alone, without practicing together. It does not matter how easy it might be to dance with other partners, one’s current partner is the one that matters if you wish to become a good ballroom dance team.

All of this is true for love making as well. Yet we often believe that good love making should “come naturally,” without education. We covet beliefs that somehow people should know how to make love together and should not have to talk about it or practice with the intent of improving our style so that it is mutually satisfying. Clearly, if your dance partner continuously stepped on your toes and was unwilling to discuss the matter, it would not take long before you either stop dancing or find a different partner. Yet the majority of couples do not communicate about their love making and are not open to exploring their sexuality with one another. Even the most experienced lovers often practice poor love making strategies. People, especially men, become defensive when their partner wants to discuss their sex life as if they were about to be criticized.

Communication between dance partners and lovers is essential for having a satisfying experience. The partners must frequently communicate verbally and nonverbally with one another in order to learn to anticipate each others moves. With sufficient practice, the dance of love seems effortless. Lovemaking should be fun, playful, affectionate, intimate, and fulfilling. When something goes awry, either because of faulty communication, inappropriate attitudes, or antiquated beliefs, a sexual dysfunction may emerge.

Click here to continue reading about Causes of Sexual Dysfunction

Click here to sign up for Psychotherapy Update,
a newsletter full of articles and information

For forty years Dr. Dreyfus has been practicing as a clinical psychologist and life coach in Santa Monica, California where he specializes in individual psychotherapy, relationship counseling, and sex therapy. He has recently published two books,
Someone Right for You: 21st Century Strategies for Finding Your Special Someone
and
Keeping Your Sanity (In an Insane World)
released by Xlibris and can be found at
www.SomeoneRightForYou.com
and
www.KeepingYourSanity.com.

For further information or consultation regarding psychological issues, or life coaching, you may contact Dr. Dreyfus by letter, phone, email, or fax.

You can e-mail him or call (310) 208-5700.