I often see young couples, who have been married for a short period of time, lamenting that their marriage has lost its sparkle. They tell me that before they married and for about a year afterwards everything was wonderful. But then they began drifting apart, going through the motions of living together, but without passion. Sex has diminished significantly, talking has been limited, and they have little energy to be with one another at the end of the day. They lost their mojo.
Often patients who have experienced a loss of a loved one will ask, “What’s the point of grieving? It does not bring the person back.” Others have remarked that they have never grieved the loss of a parent or pet indicating that they wish they could “cry or something.” Most of these folks consider themselves stoic, able to control their emotions. Some have indicated that they are afraid that if they started to grieve they could not stop. They fear that the pain would be overwhelming.
I was having a conversation with an economist colleague of mine about how he tries to treat his two children equally when it comes to gifts. In an effort not to show favoritism he and his wife always spent the same amount of money on each of them for birthday presidents, clothing, extracurricular activities, etc. I asked whether it would make a difference to him whether one child was interested in items or activities that were considerably less expensive than the other, e.g., if one child was interested in surfing and the other in flying. I also asked about whether their rule of equality applied to costs of education.
I recently saw and enjoyed the movie, “Crazy, Stupid, Love“. In addition to being a delightful story with moments of romance, laughter, and pathos, I found that there was some greater insight that could be distilled if one paid attention. Many men may miss the lessons to be gleaned from this flick. It is more than a piece of fluff.
The month of August is ending; kids are preparing to return to school. Summer is officially over. As is customary in our house, August is typically the time when our family comes together in our home. Children and grandchildren, cousins, nieces, and nephews descend upon us for the annual Cousin’s Party. There is “secrets night” when the cousins share with one another their most recent adventures and misadventures (no adults allowed), the pajama party with its rituals of nachos, drink concoctions, pizza, and a movie. There are BBQs and shopping adventures to the various malls. Then, of course, there are the days of just “hanging out” interspersed with endless ping-pong matches.
The TV show, So You Think You Can Dance?, can teach us a lot about lovemaking. As we watch these young dancers perform their various routines, we admire their coordination, agility, determination, and exuberance. They inspire the viewer to want to move along with them. They may even evoke within us a desire to get up and dance.
Recently a couple came in for counseling because their marriage was in trouble. They had been married for four years and haven’t had sexual relations in almost a year. They described their relationship as friendly, but not passionate. A little exploration revealed that he was riddled with resentment at his wife’s lack of responsibility for anything that had to do with the maintenance of their home. He did all of the cooking, shopping, errands, cleaning, etc. The only thing she did was to take care of their pet. The husband felt taken for granted. Both of them had careers, but he worked from home making him more available for household duties.
“Until death do us part” continues to be the mantra of young lovers. Despite the changes that society has undergone during the course of the past century, young couples continue to believe that they can marry young and remain in love and happily married for the rest of their life. I see many patients who married early and find within a relatively short period of time that they have drifted apart.
The most common complaint that I hear from couples in my practice is, “we don’t communicate well. She/he doesn’t understand me.” The problem is presented equally by men and women.
Why are we attracted to superheroes? From boyhood to the present I have been intrigued by the powers of Batman, Superman, Captain Marvel, Spiderman, and several others. As box office sales indicate, children, and many adults, continue to be captivated by these awesome men and women. Though men dominate the field, beginning with the feminist movement there has been an influx of female superheroes, e.g., Catwoman, Batgirl, Wonder Woman.
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