The day set aside for the celebration of love in fast approaching. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Are you one of the many who will once again lament the fact that you are alone? Are you being proactive in finding your soul mate? Or are you simply waiting for that perfect someone to knock on your door like a door-to-door salesperson?
I just read about Drew Barrymore becoming engaged …. again. At the same time, I read about Tiger Wood’s ex-wife tearing down a $12.3 million house to re-build a bigger, better one. Marriages and houses, both disposable. Money has little meaning to these people. Does marriage? Celebrities seem to change spouses as readily as teenagers change boyfriends or girlfriends. They buy, sell, and destroy houses, buy huge diamonds, give outrageous parties; everything they do is over the top and unlike anything that ordinary people might do.
Judging from the number of celebrity focused TV shows, magazines, and tabloids, one gets the impression that the majority of Americans are obsessed with what has been dubbed “the culture of celebrity.” The paparazzi track and stalk celebrities hoping to catch a glimpse of them as they go about their daily lives. They love the gossip and delight in taking a picture of the stars in a compromised position. And the public gobbles it up. Tidbits make money.
There has been much hullabaloo made by the Tea Party advocates, religious fundamentalists, and other groups, claiming that marriage is sacred. They use the “sanctity of marriage” call as the reason why we should not legalize gay marriage (a clear violation of the principle of separation of church and state.) Yet, we have many Hollywood marriages where celebrities marry for convenience, money (e.g., the Kardashian marriage), publicity, etc. Marriage makes good press! And these sanctity of marriage groups say absolutely nothing. (A bit of hypocrisy, no?)
Match.com, J-Date, e-Harmony, Christian Singles. These, and many more, are the portals to the wonderful and terrifying world of Internet dating. Internet dating is a part of contemporary life in the U.S. and around the world. It allows people from around the globe to meet one another virtually. Before the advent of these websites people would meet one another in clubs, bars, lounges and other venues designed for folks looking to connect with one another. In today’s world, one does not have to leave the comforts of home in order have a conversation with a stranger. One can even make visual contact through the likes of video chat, Skype, and other web based video applications.
Seal Beach is a quiet beach community in Southern California. A group of women are relaxing on a sunny afternoon gossiping as they are having their hair done. Suddenly the tranquil scene is disrupted by gunfire and eight women are dead and one is in critical condition. A distraught, estranged father and ex-husband abruptly and without warning forever changes the life of a several families and a community. How could this happen? How does one make sense of such an event?
Murphy came into our family as a six week old Wheaten Terrier puppy. He came out of a dog crate after traveling from New York to Los Angeles, perky and ready for love. He licked our faces immediately for that was his way. He looked up at us with soulful eyes and a bit of an under-bite making him all the more endearing. He seemed more like a miniature person than a dog, especially with his adult Wheaten haircut almost seeming to be wearing a tuxedo ready for a night on the town. In our family, he wasn’t just a dog, he was a Murphy.
I often see young couples, who have been married for a short period of time, lamenting that their marriage has lost its sparkle. They tell me that before they married and for about a year afterwards everything was wonderful. But then they began drifting apart, going through the motions of living together, but without passion. Sex has diminished significantly, talking has been limited, and they have little energy to be with one another at the end of the day. They lost their mojo.
Often patients who have experienced a loss of a loved one will ask, “What’s the point of grieving? It does not bring the person back.” Others have remarked that they have never grieved the loss of a parent or pet indicating that they wish they could “cry or something.” Most of these folks consider themselves stoic, able to control their emotions. Some have indicated that they are afraid that if they started to grieve they could not stop. They fear that the pain would be overwhelming.
I was having a conversation with an economist colleague of mine about how he tries to treat his two children equally when it comes to gifts. In an effort not to show favoritism he and his wife always spent the same amount of money on each of them for birthday presidents, clothing, extracurricular activities, etc. I asked whether it would make a difference to him whether one child was interested in items or activities that were considerably less expensive than the other, e.g., if one child was interested in surfing and the other in flying. I also asked about whether their rule of equality applied to costs of education.
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