The day set aside for the celebration of love in fast approaching. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Are you one of the many who will once again lament the fact that you are alone? Are you being proactive in finding your soul mate? Or are you simply waiting for that perfect someone to knock on your door like a door-to-door salesperson?
I just read about Drew Barrymore becoming engaged …. again. At the same time, I read about Tiger Wood’s ex-wife tearing down a $12.3 million house to re-build a bigger, better one. Marriages and houses, both disposable. Money has little meaning to these people. Does marriage? Celebrities seem to change spouses as readily as teenagers change boyfriends or girlfriends. They buy, sell, and destroy houses, buy huge diamonds, give outrageous parties; everything they do is over the top and unlike anything that ordinary people might do.
I was talking with a patient recently who said that her mother was the person who kept her posted on family happenings. Since her mother died, she no longer feels connected with the rest of the family because her father does not share information. She realized how dependent she was on her mother for keeping her informed as to family happenings. Her father, on the other hand, is a not forthcoming about family matters. He claims that he does not like to gossip. He takes the position that if people want to know about him or others in the family, they should communicate directly with them.
For many people, happiness seems to be elusive. For others it seems to be a natural state of being. Are some people hardwired to be miserable while others are hard wired to be happy? I think not. I believe that happiness can be experienced by all people. Yes, even those that are down and out can experience happiness. I have witnessed people who live in mud huts within an impoverished village, tenement housing, group homes, and even homeless folks living under a bridge, experience greater happiness in their lives than those who live in multimillion dollar houses and earn six figure incomes. What can these people teach us about happiness?
Judging from the number of celebrity focused TV shows, magazines, and tabloids, one gets the impression that the majority of Americans are obsessed with what has been dubbed “the culture of celebrity.” The paparazzi track and stalk celebrities hoping to catch a glimpse of them as they go about their daily lives. They love the gossip and delight in taking a picture of the stars in a compromised position. And the public gobbles it up. Tidbits make money.
There has been much hullabaloo made by the Tea Party advocates, religious fundamentalists, and other groups, claiming that marriage is sacred. They use the “sanctity of marriage” call as the reason why we should not legalize gay marriage (a clear violation of the principle of separation of church and state.) Yet, we have many Hollywood marriages where celebrities marry for convenience, money (e.g., the Kardashian marriage), publicity, etc. Marriage makes good press! And these sanctity of marriage groups say absolutely nothing. (A bit of hypocrisy, no?)
In my last post I advised that because of the anonymity of the Internet you should proceed with caution. People often are not honest about who they are and tend to present a false image (literally in the case of their photo). Frequently people meet face-to-face too early relying too much on their visual impression which often clouds judgment where they tend to overlook subtle clues and warning signs that this might not be someone right for you. Hence, I suggested that you take your time getting to know who it is that you are connecting with. I suggested that you do some homework before jumping into an actual dating situation.
Match.com, J-Date, e-Harmony, Christian Singles. These, and many more, are the portals to the wonderful and terrifying world of Internet dating. Internet dating is a part of contemporary life in the U.S. and around the world. It allows people from around the globe to meet one another virtually. Before the advent of these websites people would meet one another in clubs, bars, lounges and other venues designed for folks looking to connect with one another. In today’s world, one does not have to leave the comforts of home in order have a conversation with a stranger. One can even make visual contact through the likes of video chat, Skype, and other web based video applications.
I often see young couples, who have been married for a short period of time, lamenting that their marriage has lost its sparkle. They tell me that before they married and for about a year afterwards everything was wonderful. But then they began drifting apart, going through the motions of living together, but without passion. Sex has diminished significantly, talking has been limited, and they have little energy to be with one another at the end of the day. They lost their mojo.
Often patients who have experienced a loss of a loved one will ask, “What’s the point of grieving? It does not bring the person back.” Others have remarked that they have never grieved the loss of a parent or pet indicating that they wish they could “cry or something.” Most of these folks consider themselves stoic, able to control their emotions. Some have indicated that they are afraid that if they started to grieve they could not stop. They fear that the pain would be overwhelming.
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