Judging from the number of celebrity focused TV shows, magazines, and tabloids, one gets the impression that the majority of Americans are obsessed with what has been dubbed “the culture of celebrity.” The paparazzi track and stalk celebrities hoping to catch a glimpse of them as they go about their daily lives. They love the gossip and delight in taking a picture of the stars in a compromised position. And the public gobbles it up. Tidbits make money.
What is this obsession with celebrities and even celebrity wanna-bees? Most people live rather mundane, ordinary lives. We imagine that our celebrities are living very glamorous lives far removed from the daily activities of ordinary mortals. We want to believe that there is a life beyond the ordinary and that we can project ourselves into this extraordinary world far removed from the world in which we live. We can vicariously experience that world through the tabloids, scandal sheets, reality TV shows, etc.
While we idealize these people, we also secretly harbor wishes for their fall from grace. We watch their marriages dissolve, their bouts with the law, and their entering rehab for substance and alcohol abuse. While we feel sorry for them, we also judge them. We take some sense of satisfaction in knowing that they are mortal, just like like us. It makes us feel less badly about our own lives when we see that those who appear to “have it all” experience the same unhappiness that we experience.
The fact is that we really do not have any idea what goes on their life behind closed doors. We do not know what really goes on in their bedroom conversations far away from the klieg lights, the red carpet, or the flash of the paparazzi cameras. What really happened between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore? Do we know the truth about any celebrity break-up? Or do we merely get the spin presented by the publicists or the stars themselves as they attempt to monetize their situation?
None of us truly know what happens behind the closed doors of our parents or our best friends. We imagine that we know, but the odds are we only have a glimmer and the rest we make up. We write a story and then believe our story. One of the things that I have learned from my decades working with couples, both ordinary people and the celebrities, is that the story that is told and the story that is lived are different. Even the couples themselves have different versions of the same experience.
Keep in mind, that celebrities are simply ordinary people who are in an industry that is designed to give us entertainment that for a short while takes us away from our ordinary lives. They make a lot of money which can purchase fancy stuff. But in the end, there is not much difference between them and us. They struggle just as we struggle. They see therapists, become addicts, experience anxiety and depression, and go through divorces…just like us.
Perhaps we would all be better off if we focused on making our own lives and our own marriages the best that they can be. Rather than looking for the next scintillating bit of gossip about the latest celebrity break-up we should be focusing on how we can create the most exciting and intimate bond with our own spouse.
[Dr. Dreyfus is a nationally recognized clinical psychologist, relationship counselor, sex therapist, and life coach in the Santa Monica - Los Angeles area treating low sexual desire, premature ejaculation, sexual addictions, drug and alcohol abuse as well marriage and relationship communication and intimacy issues. The profits from his latest book, LIVING LIFE FROM THE INSIDE OUT along with his other five books, are being donated to charity through the website Book Royalties for Charity and can be purchased through Amazon.com. Please become a fan on his Facebook Fan Page by indicating "like" on the page by clicking here. You can also find more tools to help you experience a more fulfilling life by clicking here to visit his website.]
Tags: human connection, intimacy, living consciously, marriage, Personal Growth, Relationships, social issues
