Sexuality And Sex Therapy
Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

HUMAN SEXUALITY

There are no rules for the human sexual response. We can respond to the same sex or the opposite sex. We can have a sexual response when we are alone or with someone. We respond to living beings and inanimate objects. Human sexuality includes all of the senses - smell, touch, sound, sight, and taste. Sexuality involves imagination, fantasy, and imagery.

Boys tend to learn about their sexuality through locker room talk, erotic magazines and movies, and trial and error. Girls gain their sexual knowledge through conversations with other girls and women, love stories and movies, and experience. For men the sexual act is a combination of pleasure, sexual release, and power. For women, sexuality is intimacy, affection, and pleasure. Just think about the terms men and women use when referring to sex. Male terms tend to be aggressive, even hostile, while female terms are gentle, loving, and even spiritual. Women make love, men get laid.

These attitudes and values affect the manner in which the genders approach sexuality and, in large measure, contributes to their appreciation of the sex act. Furthermore, these values affect how men and women perceive themselves and how they view each other. Generally, men establish their identity through performance. From childhood through adulthood, they measure themselves by such things as how far they can spit, how fast they can run, how far they can throw a football, grade point average, penis size, salary size, staying power in bed, and the number of women they can “conquer.” One way or another, performance matters. Women measure themselves by how attractive they are to men, the power held by the men that are attracted to them, and by how they are treated by these men. If men treat them kindly then they are good, if men treat them poorly they perceive themselves as bad.

Men and women bring these attitudes into the bed room, playing out their roles as performer and seductress. During love making, the male is concerned with whether he will perform well enough or whether he will fail. Rather than focusing on his loved one, he is concerned whether she will be pleased with his performance. She, on the other hand, is concerned with whether he will think she is attractive enough. Is her buttocks too big or are her breasts are too small?

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For forty years Dr. Dreyfus has been practicing as a clinical psychologist and life coach in Santa Monica, California where he specializes in individual psychotherapy, relationship counseling, and sex therapy. He has recently published two books,
Someone Right for You: 21st Century Strategies for Finding Your Special Someone
and
Keeping Your Sanity (In an Insane World)
released by Xlibris and can be found at
www.SomeoneRightForYou.com
and
www.KeepingYourSanity.com.

For further information or consultation regarding psychological issues, or life coaching, you may contact Dr. Dreyfus by letter, phone, email, or fax.

You can e-mail him or call (310) 208-5700.